Parenting

Parenting is hard.
Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and I love being a mom.  But some days it's hard.  I've been heard to say that I was a much better mom before I had kids. Some might laugh at this, but in some ways it's true.  There are things I swore I would never let my kids do.  (like this)  There are also things I swore I would never do -- like screaming raising my voice in frustration or anger.

Parenting a child who has had a traumatic event (like being adopted) happen to them can be even more challenging. Yup, you read that right.  I wrote that adoption can be traumatic.  Sure it's also wonderful and loving, but it can also be traumatic.  The trauma might be something obvious like being abandoned shortly after birth, spending your first year of life in an orphanage, and then being uprooted from the only surroundings, people and language you have ever known to go live with your "forever family".  Traumatic? Yes. Wonderful?  Yes to that too.  (Well, the forever family part sounds wonderful.)  On the other hand the trauma might have been something in utero like high maternal stress during pregnancy or poor prenatal nutrition. How about being separated from the heartbeat you heard beating for the time you were in the womb?

I'll be honest with you.  A few years ago I am not sure I really believed these events could have a lasting effect on a child.  Being the mom of my kids is teaching me otherwise.

I recently started taking a parenting class based on this book.

There is also a website with useful information. The book and the class have reinforced to me the lasting consequences of early (including in utero) life experiences.

It's been a really good class so far and I'm learning so much.  I'm learning about how negative behaviors stem from the emotion of fear....and that they are not necessarily controlling or manipulative.  I'm learning that all behavior is communicating something.  I'm learning about being regulated vs being unregulated.  I'm learning about responding vs reacting.  I'm learning that, as the parent, I need to respond from a state of regulation in order to help my child who is currently unregulated.  Implementing what I am learning is hard.  While what I am learning makes sense to me, it is not my natural parenting style....yet.  I'm hopeful (both for myself and my kids) that I will improve at it with time and practice.  I am thankful that a good friend recommended the class.  I am thankful that my husband is willing and able to get our kids to bed by himself on the nights I have class.  I'm thankful that the book and class are available.

This class isn't the only thing I am doing in order to improve my parenting.  I'm praying more.  A while back my mom gave me a prayer that I now say every day. 

A Prayer For Children
O God the Father of mankind, who hast given me these my children, and committed them to my charge to bring them up for Thee, and to prepare them for eternal life: help me with Thy heavenly grace, that I may be able to fulfill this most sacred duty and stewardship.

Teach me both, what to give and what to withhold; when to reprove and when to forbear; make me to be gentle, yet firm; considerate and watchful; and deliver me equally from the weakness of indulgence, and the excess of severity; and grant that, both by word and by example, I may be careful to lead them in the ways of wisdom and true piety. Amen.

Pour Thy grace into their hearts, and strengthen and multiply in them the gifts of Thy Holy Spirit, that they may daily grow in grace and in knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ; and so, faithfully serving Thee here, may come to rejoice in Thy presence hereafter. Amen

Thank you, Mom, for giving me this prayer.

I am also spending more time each day praying about my parenting challenges and about the specific needs of each of my kids.  Thank God for His mercy for the many times I have failed as a mom.  Thank God for prayer and faith! That is where I get my hope.