My dad passed away in the early morning hours of September 4th. His funeral Mass on September 8th. I am thankful that his 1+ year battle with lung cancer ended quite peacefully. (He has suffered so valiantly over the past year.) My mom, one of my brothers and I were at his bedside. He had recently been to confession, he received anointing of the sick while in the hospital, and he received Holy Viaticum (twice). Because of this I am hopeful the is in a better spot, but oh how I miss him every day.
The following text is the tribute one of my brothers gave to my dad at his wake the night before his funeral.
My brothers and sisters and I would like to start with how Dad greeted us every time he saw us. It’s a Polish greeting. Please respond that you are well in Polish by saying dobrze. So let‘s try it. Here‘s the greeting which means: How are you? Jak sie masz? (Wait for reply.)
Dad always said that he didn’t want people reminiscing about him during his wake and that if that would happen he would sit up in his casket and stop it. But we thought it would be okay with him if we, his children, wrote and shared a few words. And we encourage you to reminisce and share memories about him with each other after the wake during fellowship in the church basement.
When thinking about writing about our dad, we thought how can a few words do justice to all the years of love and laughter, strength and prayer that Dad gave us? Ultimately, we know that the best way to honor Dad will be through the actions of our lives, for each of us to be a living testament of the love, laughter, strength and most importantly the Catholic faith that we received from him.
We also want, before going too far, to share a bit about the strength behind our dad --- our mom, who would surely say that the strength behind her was Dad. And the beautiful thing about their 51 years of marriage is that both would be correct. To see our mom care for our dad this past year through all of the doctor’s appointments and especially this last week from the massaging of his shoulders, to the gentle cleansing of his face, to the loving whispers into his ears, to the embraces and kisses given, and to the sitting by his side day and night holding his hand was to see her love for Dad demonstrated in action. Thank you Mom for teaching us best about love by loving Dad. We love you.
Of course, Dad’s actions also taught us much about love. Even during this past year, with a challenging diagnosis, he demonstrated love by continuing to actively take care of the needs of his children and grandchildren and especially his wife and the farm that they lived on. He loved the farm and even more so, being there with Mom. Mom once expressed that it was kind of a surprise to hear Dad say how much he loved to can vegetables, that it was one of his favorite things to do, especially since for years before he had rarely ever canned. But what that tells us about Dad is that he loved to work and that he loved his work. Whether it was farming, or working at Terog, or later gardening and canning, whatever work his stage in life allowed him to do, he loved it. He loved to be useful and helpful to others.
Although there’s no doubt the past year was challenging for Dad, it’s unlikely that an outsider would have guessed that Dad had cancer because he stayed as active as ever and definitely kept his sense of humor. An example of his sense of humor was when we or a doctor or someone who knew that he had cancer would tell him that he was looking good and he would say, “Well, I always was good looking.”
Dad chose to suffer this challenging past year with a quiet dignity and through his hidden suffering, it is likely that he earned many graces for himself or for others and knowing Dad, if he could choose, those graces would not be for himself but for his wife, children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors, and the Church community.
Again, as Dad earned theses graces, he stayed active. In fact, only 14 days before he passed away, he stained his son Vince’s deck in the Twin Cities. So it came as a surprise to everyone when Mom took Dad to the Emergency Room on Thursday night last week. At the hospital Dad felt markedly better all day both Friday and Saturday and was hoping and expecting to go home on Monday or Tuesday. But his health declined and on Monday when Dad asked what time it was, we told him that it was 11:45 Monday morning, Labor Day. Upon hearing that it was Monday, he said, “Time to go home.” Less than 16 hours later Dad made it Home where he is truly able to do what he has always done best, take care of and pray for his family.
We started with a Polish greeting that Dad taught his children and grandchildren to use. We’d like to end with a Polish phrase that Dad and his brothers and sisters used before leaving each other.
Zostancie z Bogiem (Zo-stanchez bohg-yem)
Stay with God.
We love you Dad.
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